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Dr. Gray has authored 11
best-selling books:
 
What
You Feel, You Can Heal:
A Guide for Enriching Relationships
 
Men,
Women and Relationships
 
Mars
and Venus in the Bedroom:
A Guide to Lasting Romance and
Passion
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Keeping
the Romance Alive
With
the most romantic holiday on the horizon, I thought the
perfect person to give us all advice on how to keep the
romance alive in our relationships was my friend Dr. John
Gray, author of the groundbreaking book about men and women,
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. I learned
so much from this book when I first read it nearly ten years
ago and I still refer to it. As most of you know, John Gray,
Ph.D. is the best-selling relationship author of all time.
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (HarperCollins
1992) has sold more than 15 million copies and is a best
seller in 40 different languages throughout the world. And
he has written 11 other best-selling books. John is also
a Certified Family Therapist, Consulting Editor of the Family
Journal, a member of the Distinguished Advisory Board of
the International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors
(IAMFC)
and a member of the American Counseling Association (ACA).
He has a syndicated newspaper column, a daily radio show
and a thriving counseling practice. He also gives talks
and workshops around the country. You really should visit
his website, www.marsvenus.com
to see how amazing this man is.
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I
tracked John down while he was
on a whirlwind book tour promoting his newest book about relationships,
Truly Mars and Venus: The Illustrated Essential Men Are
from Mars, Women Are from Venus. This is the new version
of John's original book in celebration
of its tenth anniversary and is perfect for a Valentine's
Day gift. I hope you enjoy my conversation with John
as much as I did.
Beverly Clark: John, since
Valentine's Day is coming up, what can men and women do to
make their relationship more romantic.
John Gray: Romance means
different things to men and women. Women often complain that
there isn't enough romance and men never complain. For many
men, their wish is that someone would cancel Valentine's Day
altogether. They feel that there is too much pressure on them
to perform in a "romantic" way. Valentine's Day
is a sacred Venusian holiday for women, as Super Bowl Sunday
is a Martian holiday for men.
In general, men don't have as great a need for romance as
women do. However, men will benefit from it just as much,
because what men want in a relationship is for their partner
to be happy. When she's happy he's happy. Men are required
to accommodate if they want women to be happy.
Beverly: Are there any
particular things women can do to make the man in their life
feel more romantic on Valentine's Day?
John: Women need to be
effective in communication with their partner by making her
wishes known in direct statements. Too often a woman will
think, "if he loves me he'll do it what I want him to
do." Well, most men aren't mind readers. You have to
tell them because they don't know what's going on inside your
head.
Here are few things I would suggest to women to make their
partner feel good:
- Do not be critical of his performance.
- Do not complain that he's not doing enough.
- Be very specific on what you would like to happen prior
to event that you want him to be part of.
- Do not compare his behavior today to what it was in the
past because that suggest that he's not good enough today.
- Stay in the present time and deal with what your relationship
is now.
NEW
 
Truly Mars and Venus: The Illustrated Men Are from Mars,
Women Are from Venus
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Beverly:
That's good advice for any time of the year. And what about
men? What can they do that women would find romantic?
John: Men tend to be
much more romantic in the beginning of the relationship
when they are dating, because they are communicating to
the woman that she's special and that he cares for her and
she's important. Once he's accomplished this he mistakenly
assumes he doesn't have to do that again.
Here are some suggestions for men to make their partner
feel good:
- Remember what they did in the past when they were dating.
- Remember important dates: especially Valentine's Day,
her birthday, and your anniversary.
- Even though it seems unnecessary, saying "I love you"
more than once a day, is a good idea.
- Behaving in a romantic manner toward a woman is a transference
of love and support.
Beverly: That's so true.
The last time we met you said, "Men often seem reluctant
to express their feelings toward the women in their lives."
John: That's right.
Men tend to think, "I didn't have to tell you my name again,
why should I have to tell you that I love you again." The
flip side of that would be like a woman saying, "Well, we
had sex once, why do we have to do it again?"
Beverly: That's a great
analogy to use. Your suggestions are great, not only for
Valentine's Day, but throughout one's relationship. Truly
Mars and Venus would make a great Valentine's Gift for
your significant other. We're making it easy for our readers
to order it here. I understand you also have a new diet
book coming out. Could you tell us a little about it?
John: Yes, I'm very
excited about MarsVenus Diet Exercise Solution. It
won't be in bookstores until March, but your readers will
be able to take advantage of the pre-publication special
offer and order the book at half off. The first chapter
is already online on our website. Beverly, you have to tell
your readers they can get signed copies for a limited time
from www.marsvenus.com.
Beverly: Thank you,
John. And Happy Valentine's Day.
The
Diet John Gray is
excited
about !
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